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I did my thing and then stood washing my hands in front of the long mirror, looking at my reflection and checking for lines and grey hairs, making sure nothing was sagging that should be firm. I was washed and dry and everything else was five-by. I still looked great.I was looking at my breasts – hey, I had to keep up with the guys who had been staring all afternoon – and realised they weren't tender. I'd never had pre-menstrual breast-pain until recently, but probably from the beginning of this summer I'd noticed it, the last day or two before my period. It had returned right on cue the day before the barbecue, but it was gone again and that was weird. I felt them to make sure; gingerly at first, but there was no pain."Don't mind me, I just need to pee."Holy fuck, where did you come from? Stealth-Mom! I didn't even hear the door. She was early thirties like me, about my height or an inch taller, and a similar compact shape without the muscle-tone. But that's where the similarity. You see the best in all of us and you seem to treat every girl as if she’s fucking Helen of Troy. No joke. I’ve seen you in action. I mean, hell, you made me feel yesterday as if I were Homecoming Queen instead of just a newspaper geek! Girls love that kind of thing, Mark. They love knowing that they don’t have to be cover girls to have a chance with you,” Dawn told me with a wink.“Yep, she speaks truly. Trust me, bud, you have no idea how much pussy you can get just by not being a fucking Shallow Hal. Idiots like my brother Enrico ... Yeah, he’s a numbskull. His girlfriends all cheat on him and treat him like crap, use him for money, etc. Does he dump them and move on? Nope. He gets shat on every fucking time, the moron. Of course, he’s also too dumb to set up an open marriage.“Then again, the girls in question are too smart to do that, even if they’re total airheads in other ways. They want to cheat on him while keeping him faithful, so he can support them until they get tired of.
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